A Proper Wife

I grew up with an unhealthy view of mental illness. I was told that people on ADHD medications were usually just victims of poor parenting and medical overreach. I was taught that most people on antidepressants didn’t actually need them. I got the message that being on psychotropic medications was a weakness, something shameful. I remember reading in teen magazines about things like eating disorders and self-mutilation. I remember when I started seeing things like that in kids my age. I remember when my best friend in Junior High ripped out most of her hair and tried to slit her wrists. I stopped talking to her. I didn’t know what to do, what to say. I remember the first time I contemplated suicide. I was 12. I remember feeling like no one on earth loved me. I can look back now, having learned and knowing better, and I can see the disordered thinking, the self-isolation, the rumination, the extreme anxiety. I remember lying in bed crying so hard that my lips would tingle and I’d fe

Baby blessings are difficult. You'd think given all the lip service that the church gives mothers that they'd come up with some way to allow moms to feel like something other than bystanders. But neither of the bishops I had while blessing a child did. So I was again unable to even hold my child, again told that my participation was unnecessary and unwanted in this event. Some moms are allowed to hold their babies while they're blessed at church. Other moms who feel similarly bless their children at home where no church leader can interfere with deciding who holds the child (the fact that this is even an issue seems insane to me). Some moms will do a mother's blessing  at home. My husband was uncomfortable with a home blessing. I was uncomfortable with a private mother's blessing because it felt like this furtive, sad, consolation prize. My ability to bless or hold my child isn't a question to me, it's the fact that my doing so is viewed as illegitim

It’s been a while. I’ve had a few people mention that they miss my blog posts and ask why I’ve stopped blogging. In case anyone else is wondering, I thought I’d finally post this here. It has taken me a long time to feel like I’m ready to write about this and to know exactly what I want to say. First of all, I stopped blogging because I stopped struggling with the questions and issues that are the topic of this blog. I felt like I came to my conclusion, which was that as much as I believe the LDS church leaders are trying to follow the Savior and do their best, it is my opinion that the policies and doctrines regarding gender as the church currently practices/teaches are not right. I don’t believe that men should preside, even if they do it in a respectful, Christlike manner. I don’t believe that men presiding and women sustaining is God’s idea of how things should be. I believe that this arrangement came from men, from our basest, most unevolved inclinations, and is not divine in

These are some thoughts I've been stewing on for a while. Recently in a conversation with a woman of non-feminist persuasion, I was accused of looking down my nose at mothers (presumably, including myself) and devaluing motherhood. I think this is a really important point to clarify, since I feel like it's a common misconception about feminists. I suppose there are some feminists who disdain motherhood. There are some feminists who do/say just about anything. It's a varied group with a spectrum of opinions, but third wave feminism (the feminism of now) is generally characterized by being accepting and supportive of all women's choices, and their right to make those choices. The conversation usually goes like this: "I think women in the church should have institutional power, visibility, and voice." "Men and women will never be the same." "Innate differences aside, I still think women should have equal institutional power, visibility, and vo

Feminism isn’t some monolithic structure headed by a prophetess who speaks the Feminist Truth. Any human being who believes that men and women are of equal worth and should have equal rights, privileges, and opportunities is a feminist. So you can’t really say, “Feminists all think x,y,z…” with any degree of accuracy unless x,y,z is the above definition. There’s a broad variety of opinions among Feminists on any number of subjects. So you'll get a broad variety of responses on this topic if  you ask various Feminists, but here's my take on it, and sorry, (not sorry) if my RadFem petticoats are showing a tad. Call me what you will. On a personal level, I’m a feminist of the variety that believes that transgenderism is undeniably biologically-based , and an incredibly sad and difficult trial. I have unending empathy for the difficulty of their life and I would never presume to tell them what their experience is or who or what they really are. I don’t believe I have that righ

I think one of the major changes in my faith over the last few years has been centered basically in the question of how correct the prophets are. Are prophets correct when my heart, testimony, and conception of God are in conflict with them? Are prophets correct when history shows their actions to be based in prejudice, bias, and other incorrect motivations? My husband’s favorite joke about Mormonism is that the Catholics teach that their Pope is infallible, but none of them believe it and Mormons teach that their prophets are fallible, but none of us believe it. A member of our Presidency recently said in General Conference that LDS leaders have made mistakes and in the same session, another person quoted the, “the leaders of the church will never lead you astray” quote. So there is undeniable ambiguity. The recent essays that have come out of Joseph Smith’s polygamous wives, and race and the Priesthood test this tension. Were prophets right when they took priesthood away fro