Don't Talk Too Much

"Don't talk too much!" - Elder Ballard to an audience full of women in the European Sister's Meeting.

And just so no one accuses me of taking it out of context, here is the whole quote:

"The blessing I would ask our Heavenly Father to grant unto you individually and collectively would be that you will never ever take lightly what you know to be true, that you will be pioneer, as the first pioneers, women of great strength, power and courage. That you will let your voices be heard, we cannot, we cannot meet our destiny as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in preparing this world for the 2nd coming of the Savior of the world without the support and the faith and the strength of the women of this church. We need you. We need your voices. They need to be heard. They need to be heard in your community, in your neighborhoods, they need to be heard within the ward council or the branch council. Now don't talk too much in those council meetings, just straighten the brethren out quickly and move the work on. We are building the kingdom of God."

You can check out the VIDEO HERE.

This is the kind of thing that is at once so encouraging and so saddening. I'm thrilled that Elder Ballard is telling women that their voices need to be heard. However, women already tend to be less outspoken in mixed gender conversations, especially Mormon women. And when you tell women to not speak "too much" you are reminding them of unwritten social stigmas against women who appear overbearing, bossy or aggressive for speaking their mind. Now add onto that that women in ward councils are already outnumbered by a factor of three, and you've got a worsening of the current under-representation of women and women's voices. 

"As adults, women's speech is granted less authority and credibility. We aren't thought of as able critics or as funny. Men speak more, more often, and longer than women in mixed groups (classrooms, boardrooms, legislative bodies, expert media commentary and, for obvious reasons religious institutions.) Indeed, in male-dominated problem solving groups including boards, committees and legislatures, men speak 75% more than women, with negative effects on decisions reached. That's why, as researchers summed up, "Having a seat at the table is not the same as having a voice." Read more about this phenomenon HERE. And HERE.

So what exactly is Elder Ballard's message supposed to be? This appears to be a recurring theme with him, since he recently said pretty much the same thing in an Ensign article. 

""Now, sisters, while your input is significant and welcome in effective councils, you need to be careful not to assume a role that is not yours. The most successful ward and stake councils are those in which priesthood leaders trust their sister leaders and encourage them to contribute to the discussions and in which sister leaders fully respect and sustain the decisions of the council made under the direction of priesthood leaders who hold keys."

So... when you speak to represent the concerns and needs of half of the ward, just do it quickly because our time as priesthood holders is really valuable?! Or maybe it's just you're welcome to come and put in your two bits, but don't try to actually be making decisions? Because decisions are for priesthood holders? 

These comments do not help women feel safe to speak their minds in church or in councils. They do not help us feel that our voices are needed.