Mansplainers

The term mansplain is not new, but if it is new to you here's the idea: A woman expresses her perspective. A man disagrees, but rather than simply state that he disagrees, he explains to her what he supposes she must not understand. The assumption being, if you understood this subject adequately you would have the right (my) opinion. The assumption also being that a woman could not possibly know as much about any topic as he does. 


There are many different examples of mansplaining, different kinds of mansplainers. Not all men are mansplainers, but all mansplainers are men. Mansplaining is essentially taking advantage of the the many privileges in discourse that come along with being a man in our culture. It is presenting your (male) opinion as more authoritative or definitive than a woman's regardless of how much expertise she has on a topic.    

Mansplaining is especially common and frustrating when it is a man telling a woman that her feelings are invalid because x,y,z. THIS STORY is a perfect example. A woman posts about her frustrations with gender bias in the tech world and a man explains to her that her frustrations are in fact, not due to her gender at all, but due to the fact that she's just really not that good at what she does. And then he finds out that she has literally written the #2 Computer Science book on Amazon, about coding and technical interview skills. 

I've experienced this again and again when expressing my views on women and the church. Some men tend to assume that this blog is my first thoughtful foray into gender issues and doctrine. They also tend to have the worrisome attitude that all of these conversations about gender and doctrine don't really have any real consequences. What I mean by that is that some approach these issues with a certain emotional distance and lack of investment that I, as a woman, just can't afford. To them, it's just deep doctrine and doctrine that really doesn't affect them, at that. To me, and other women, it is literally the eternal status and occupation of our souls. 

Here's a question: given the personal investment that these issues inherently have for me, do you think it is possible that I have read more, studied more, pondered more, searched more, had more conversations with church leaders in and out of the temple, prayed more, journalled more, shed more tears over this topic than you (a man) have? Do you think it is possible that I really have read the Family Proclamation several times and deeply considered it's possible meanings? 

I am not trying to set myself up as an expert by any means. I am however, extremely tired of the assumption that any woman who is emotionally invested enough in these topics to publicly take them on and discuss them hasn't taken the time to read up a bit on the subject. I'm tired of pat answers. I'm tired of authoritative, out-of-context, silencing Quotes From The Prophet. I'm tired of a lack of compassion and willingness to really, truly listen. Really. Truly. Listen. A lack of willingness to even consider the possibility that doing things other than The Way They've Always Been Done, might actually improve things for some members of the body of Christ. 

Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 13, 2014 at 7:58 AM

    This blog has become anything but moderate and seems to be just one more man-bashing outlet with links to other man-bashing websites only in this instance leaders of the church are also targets. Here's a thought, maybe the man you are speaking with just believes you are wrong, and because you are convinced you are right, and he is a man you don't think he is "really, truly listening".

    I love the "I'm not trying to set myself up as an expert" comment though. No, not the expert, just the one who is right and men aren't listening to, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AbigayleSeptember 13, 2014 at 10:21 AM

      I wish I were the only one men aren't listening to!

      This post isn't anti-man. It's anti mansplainer. Not all men are mansplainers, but all mansplainers are men. Are you trying to champion the cause of men who enjoy their male privilege by talking down to and over women's voices?

      Delete
    2. AnonymousSeptember 13, 2014 at 10:18 PM

      @Abigayle Are you explaining what you suppose I don't understand? IE if I had adequate an understanding, I would have the right (your) opinion? Apparently, all mansplainers are not men.

      @Ode Thompson I have had that experience, but it has not been specific to one gender, I have found both men and women can be convinced they know more than someone else and rather than listen, reexplain why they are right.

      Delete
    3. AbigayleSeptember 16, 2014 at 9:20 PM

      Anonymous, if you're trying to point out that women also explain things, you are correct. Thank you for your astute observation. However, the critical difference between someone who is just explaining their position and a mansplainer is that a mansplainer doesn't really listen to his partner in conversation. He also assumes that she doesn't know what she's talking about because she's a woman. So the root of mansplaining is sexism. That's the difference. It's a man exercising his male privilege and showing bigotry in his conversational interactions with women. You feel free to call out all cases of people explaining things to others. However, that is not the topic of this post. And unless you are a man who feels strongly that you have the right to arrogantly talk over and down to women because they don't know as much as you because of the shape of their genitals, then this shouldn't bother you.

      Delete
  2. ode thomsonSeptember 13, 2014 at 9:48 AM

    @anonymous, I may be assuming too much, but I'm guessing you haven't had this experience: multiple men, telling you multiple times, on completely different occassions the exact same thing. I'm sorry, but that is not really truly listening to me. When everyone has the same, recited answer, to try and explain away your pain, it does not feel genuine or authentic. It feels like no one is willing to listen and consider the pain you may have experienced. The best experience I have had so far is when I had the first honest response, where a priesthood leader finally admitted "I don't know" and acknowledged the pain, instead of just repeating the same thing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. StephOctober 3, 2014 at 10:43 AM

    As to Anonymous...

    I think it's dangerous to cast out someone's argument as "man-hating." Feminism isn't about man-bashing, it's about empowerment I'm womanhood. In things that are inherent in womanhood. The problem is societies, and especially patriarchal ones, tell women that womanhood is inferior, not empowering. And the ways they do it is through things like Abigayle just posted about. Feminism isn't about wanting to be better than man and it doesn't suggest that all men are sexist. To suggest otherwise is to ignore the arguments and the reason behind the arguments in favor of a logical fallacy.

    I find it a source of deep frustration that women in the Church who talk about gender are labeled as "not having a testimony." That reads: "If they believed what I believed they wouldn't feel that way." This is wrong no matter who it comes from. But it is particularly harmful when it comes from men, because men are (and at least for the foreseeable future will be) leaders in the Church. And we have a culture in the Church that (wrongly) values the opinions and voices of men over women. Don't believe me? Think about how many lessons on Sundays are given by men. Are given based on talks and books and teachings of other men. How often do you hear someone excited about General Conference because they get to hear from the general relief society president? All this to illustrate that generally we value the voice of men over women. Everyone explains away someone else's opinion time to time. But I agree that is is particularly harmful when men do it to women. Not because men are evil. But because it reinforces that cultural perception that a woman's voice is inferior.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousOctober 8, 2014 at 8:52 PM

    Mansplaining:
    A sexist term used by misandrist women to disrespect, belittle and devalue the opinion of her male peers in an attempt to make herself appear smarter or better in comparison.This is common among mixed gender discussions and debates. The term mansplaining is commonly thrown around by those who insist on turning the argument into a battle of the sexes.

    Imagine if men created the following term. How would you like it?

    Femsplaining:
    Attempting to subvert a logical argument backed by citable, empirical evidence by emphasizing the importance of feelings and repeating thoroughly debunked memes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AbigayleOctober 12, 2014 at 10:56 AM

      Misandry: A made-up phenomenon that sexist people whine about when confronted with the realities and harms of the sexist society in which they live. These people prefer to remain anonymous in their online comments because they're cowards.

      Delete
  5. AnonymousOctober 13, 2014 at 2:42 PM

    Sorry, I meant mansplainer* instead of feminist up top.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AbigayleOctober 13, 2014 at 8:18 PM

    Coward, you're mansplaining on my mansplaining post! Thanks for giving all my readers a great example.

    ReplyDelete

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