A Proper Wife

The term mansplain is not new, but if it is new to you here's the idea: A woman expresses her perspective. A man disagrees, but rather than simply state that he disagrees, he explains to her what he supposes she must not understand. The assumption being, if you understood this subject adequately you would have the right (my) opinion. The assumption also being that a woman could not possibly know as much about any topic as he does.  There are many different examples of mansplaining, different kinds of mansplainers . Not all men are mansplainers, but all mansplainers are men. Mansplaining is essentially taking advantage of the the many privileges in discourse that come along with being a man in our culture. It is presenting your (male) opinion as more authoritative or definitive than a woman's regardless of how much expertise she has on a topic.     Mansplaining is especially common and frustrating when it is a man telling a woman that her feelings are invalid ...

I was recently asked by a friend who reads my blog why I stay. The answer is long, nuanced and personal, but basically boils down to two things: 1-This church is where I found my Savior. And 2-I believe we can and will do better. Reading Neylan McBaine 's book Women At Church has been especially encouraging of my hope in the latter. A few months back, I had a long, painful, awkward struggle with my bishop over my son's baby blessing. I wanted to hold him. When that wasn't allowed then I wanted his permission to do it in our home, but he didn't trust me, having shown my feminist card, so he insisted that he be present to "preside" in my home. Those were his words. I ultimately chose to wash my hands of the whole thing and allow my husband to do whatever he wanted because it was made very clear to me that the church didn't care about my thoughts or desires on the matter whatsoever. I felt relegated to an unrelated bystander in the process. It was extremel...

"Don't talk too much!" - Elder Ballard to an audience full of women in the European Sister's Meeting. And just so no one accuses me of taking it out of context, here is the whole quote: "The blessing I would ask our Heavenly Father to grant unto you individually and collectively would be that you will never ever take lightly what you know to be true, that you will be pioneer, as the first pioneers, women of great strength, power and courage. That you will let your voices be heard, we cannot, we cannot meet our destiny as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in preparing this world for the 2nd coming of the Savior of the world without the support and the faith and the strength of the women of this church. We need you. We need your voices. They need to be heard. They need to be heard in your community, in your neighborhoods, they need to be heard within the ward council or the branch council. Now don't talk too much in those council meetings, jus...

The other day I went for a long walk with my dog and my baby in his running stroller. As we went along our usual Provo route, we went by a park where there was a young man doing sprints. He was wearing nothing but a pair of running shorts and some shoes. At first, I thought nothing of it, as I'm sure most people wouldn't. But then it suddenly occurred to me that if I were doing exactly what he was doing, wearing exactly what he was wearing, I would get arrested for indecent exposure. And I thought: this is a perfect example of patriarchy. Noticing patriarchy around you is all about noticing the ubiquitous assumption of a male perspective. Why can men walk around topless and not women? Because women's breasts are obscene. Why are they obscene? Because they're sexual. To whom are they sexual? Heterosexual males. So because heterosexual males find my body obscene, I can be arrested for wearing the exact same outfit as that man and doing the exact same thing he was do...

THIS TALK   was given by David Clare at the last BYU Women' Conference. Interesting topic for an address given to women, right? Well, he sort of expands upon Elder Oaks' recent GC statement that actually, women DO have priesthood power and authority. I think it is so interesting how leaders are now talking about the ways that women do have access to the priesthood. Elder Ballard's recent quote, "When men and women go to the temple, they are both endowed with the same power, which is by definition priesthood power," and Elder Oaks talk are some remarkable examples. What I don't understand is how the argument that men are supposed to preside over women by divine mandate then holds up. I thought the argument used to go like this, "Men preside in their homes and in the church because they are priesthood holders." But now we're saying that women have the priesthood too... sorta. So it must be something else... keys! Men hold priesthood keys. That...

My husband is a BYU student still. Sometimes I feel like I will never leave Provo... sigh. But that's another post. He's in a New Testament class right now. So of course the first thing a feminist thinks about when I hear New Testament class is the inevitable lesson on Paul's gender opinions and then the feeling of dread sets in. Some of Paul's gems include, " 34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. 35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church." and this: " 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is thehead of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in ever...

I recently had a really interesting experience in a worthiness interview with a priesthood leader. We began to discuss some of my gender issues with the church and he began to share some totally non-doctrinal opinions as an attempt to explain the sexism in the church. One of the morsels he offered up was that God is a polygamist. I stated unequivocally that I did not believe that and it was amazing to me how empowering and comforting it was to do that.  My feminist issues probably began at birth but I got around them in one way or another until I was endowed and then I just hit a road block that has seemed insurmountable at times. But within just the past few months, I have gotten to a point that is a huge landmark for me: I no longer doubt God.  The temple broke my heart because it literally made me feel that God loved me less than His sons or placed me in a lower importance or worth than them. It made me doubt my own worth in a way that nothing else ever has. But ...