A Proper Wife

A RECENT STUDY  declared that Utah is the worst state in the U.S. for women based on the criteria of health, leadership roles, income and political representation. Radio West did a show discussing this finding with a panel of Utah women. CHECK IT OUT HERE. 

I've had several people point out to me with concern that my survey was not conducted with adequate academic rigor. I had no intention of ever trying to get this survey published in a peer-reviewed journal of sociology. It was for my own interest and the interest of my readers. The survey has its imperfections and biases, but I found the results fascinating, for whatever they're worth. I primarily got my survey participants from online forums, among them the Facebook Groups 1 Million Mormons Online, the Mormon Channel, and the Official Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Facebook page. I also posted my survey link on Feminist Mormon Housewives' Facebook page, A Thoughtful Faith Support Group, a Facebook group called Temple Talk, the Cougar Board and another BYU sports chat website. I tried to have a somewhat varied sample of so-called TBMs (True Blue Mormons) and those who are more heterodox in their faith. However, I think more of the latter group responded, as y...

CLICK HERE  to participate in my survey about perceptions of gender dynamics among Latter-day Saints.

The term mansplain is not new, but if it is new to you here's the idea: A woman expresses her perspective. A man disagrees, but rather than simply state that he disagrees, he explains to her what he supposes she must not understand. The assumption being, if you understood this subject adequately you would have the right (my) opinion. The assumption also being that a woman could not possibly know as much about any topic as he does.  There are many different examples of mansplaining, different kinds of mansplainers . Not all men are mansplainers, but all mansplainers are men. Mansplaining is essentially taking advantage of the the many privileges in discourse that come along with being a man in our culture. It is presenting your (male) opinion as more authoritative or definitive than a woman's regardless of how much expertise she has on a topic.     Mansplaining is especially common and frustrating when it is a man telling a woman that her feelings are invalid ...

I was recently asked by a friend who reads my blog why I stay. The answer is long, nuanced and personal, but basically boils down to two things: 1-This church is where I found my Savior. And 2-I believe we can and will do better. Reading Neylan McBaine 's book Women At Church has been especially encouraging of my hope in the latter. A few months back, I had a long, painful, awkward struggle with my bishop over my son's baby blessing. I wanted to hold him. When that wasn't allowed then I wanted his permission to do it in our home, but he didn't trust me, having shown my feminist card, so he insisted that he be present to "preside" in my home. Those were his words. I ultimately chose to wash my hands of the whole thing and allow my husband to do whatever he wanted because it was made very clear to me that the church didn't care about my thoughts or desires on the matter whatsoever. I felt relegated to an unrelated bystander in the process. It was extremel...

"Don't talk too much!" - Elder Ballard to an audience full of women in the European Sister's Meeting. And just so no one accuses me of taking it out of context, here is the whole quote: "The blessing I would ask our Heavenly Father to grant unto you individually and collectively would be that you will never ever take lightly what you know to be true, that you will be pioneer, as the first pioneers, women of great strength, power and courage. That you will let your voices be heard, we cannot, we cannot meet our destiny as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in preparing this world for the 2nd coming of the Savior of the world without the support and the faith and the strength of the women of this church. We need you. We need your voices. They need to be heard. They need to be heard in your community, in your neighborhoods, they need to be heard within the ward council or the branch council. Now don't talk too much in those council meetings, jus...

The other day I went for a long walk with my dog and my baby in his running stroller. As we went along our usual Provo route, we went by a park where there was a young man doing sprints. He was wearing nothing but a pair of running shorts and some shoes. At first, I thought nothing of it, as I'm sure most people wouldn't. But then it suddenly occurred to me that if I were doing exactly what he was doing, wearing exactly what he was wearing, I would get arrested for indecent exposure. And I thought: this is a perfect example of patriarchy. Noticing patriarchy around you is all about noticing the ubiquitous assumption of a male perspective. Why can men walk around topless and not women? Because women's breasts are obscene. Why are they obscene? Because they're sexual. To whom are they sexual? Heterosexual males. So because heterosexual males find my body obscene, I can be arrested for wearing the exact same outfit as that man and doing the exact same thing he was do...