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ValHud to the Rescue!
MAN, I love her! Cannot get enough of her in my life! So you can imagine my delight and excitement when I received my April 2013 Ensign and on page 19 was a SIX PAGE feature article written by Mrs. Valerie M. Hudson and Richard B. Miller. I did notice and find it slightly amusing that she chose not to use her usually hyphenated name for this article. That might scare away some of the more traditional members, I suppose. Haha! Ok, I'm way too excited about this. But have you read this article?! Entitled, Equal Partnership in Marriage and written by my oh-so-most-favorite MoFem ever! Here are some highlights: "In some cultures, tradition places a man in a role to dominate, control and regulate all family affairs. That is not the way of the Lord. In some places the wife is almost owned by her husband, as if she were another of his personal possessions. That is a cruel, mistaken vision of marriage encouraged by Lucifer that EVERY PRIESTHOOD HOLDER MUST REJECT." "
I agree with almost all of these. Upon further reading, I may agree with it 100%. Good job, sister. ~ Bonnie
ReplyDeleteSo my friend gave me his theory on why the priesthood = motherhood argument surfaces so much and I thought it was interesting. He said that women have a unique gift that they bring to the Kingdom that no man will ever possess. It is biologically unalterable. And while men participate initially, carrying a child is a thoroughly exclusive responsibility. So he said that if women were given the burden of presiding in the priesthood along with men, the risk is that many men might end up (excuse my crassness) feeling like sperm donors. In other words, their unique contribution is limited to a night in the bedroom. I have my own answer to this argument but I wanted to know what you think?
ReplyDeleteDJ, do you think that holding the priesthood is a requirement of being a good father? I would say to your friend that fathering a child is the beginning, not the end of being a father and you don't have to have the priesthood to be an involved, loving teacher and guide. Fatherhood is the real compliment to motherhood, not priesthood. And furthermore if priesthood is all about serving and being Christlike then why does it have to involve presiding at all? As far as biology goes, there are biological changes that men go through in fatherhood as well. It is a chemical fact that men experience a decrease in testosterone when their partner has a child, which helps initiate bonding and nurturing with mother and child. If we want to base our doctrine on biology, it seems clear that God wanted men to nurture too, not just preside and get women pregnant, and they don't need the priesthood to do that. For me the point is that men currently do have the priesthood. I appreciate that leaders usually admit that they don't know why that is the case. I do not appreciate members making crap up to fill in the gaps in our knowledge. Glibly speculating on things like that causes a lot more damage than good, I can promise you. I think there may be some divine reason why men have been given the opportunities of priesthood service. Where my belief stops is with the whole patriarchal presiding stuff. I don't believe that comes from God. I believe that comes from the cultural norms in which the church was restored. That is what my heart and the Spirit have told me, personally, but I suppose that is for everyone to figure out for themselves.
DeleteAnd just one more point in response to your friend's perspective is that it doesn't put a lot of hope in men. Actually seems pretty sexist to me, in fact. Against men, I mean.
DeleteHi, You ask for comments, well, here is a “comment”! ☺
ReplyDeleteThis comment (or comments) are not meant to upset you! I would not render to upset you any more than you already are. This is meant to give you another point of view. Do I think I am right, of course!! Am I right? Maybe.
I am not a feminist in the sense that I feel there is gender inequality in the church. Well, I am not a feminist in any way really. Yet, I do understand that these feelings are very important to you. I can respect that. It was wise of you to put them down in black and white. I hope you will entertain some of my thoughts.
1. I do not believe that a righteous, endowed LDS woman's eternal reward is to be a queen and priestess unto her husband. Hmm… let’s see.
The Lord has also said, “Man is not with out the woman and woman is not with out the man.” He also said that men and women are helpmeets – companions or partners. With that said, I can see why this would upset you, yet, I believe you are misinterpreting this. I do not believe the Lord wants women to feel or be inferior to men.
2. I do not believe the priesthood gives my husband the right to preside over me in my home. I do not believe that priesthood needs to be so inextricably bound up with "presiding" at all.
Priesthood is first and for most about Christ Like Service. Presiding is service for a family. The husband/father has a lot of responsibility to care for his family. God also wants husbands and wives to work together. Also, you said, “preside over”. It is just preside, not “over”.
3. I do not believe that patriarchy, defined as "a system of in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it" is of God. I agree, that would not be of God. Priesthood is NOT about power; yes it gives man the “power” to act in Christ’s name. But stop and think about Christ like qualities. Women also have power and are not excluded from having power. I know I have great power and influence on my family and husband. God wants women to influence their families (church members) and show fourth great strength and power! It is not easy. Womenhood is not for whimps!
Comment to be continued...
4. I do not believe that decisions should be made about women or their church organizations, curriculums or budgets, without women's input. I agree! I am not sure why your ward would be doing that, but in our ward women always have input. I know on the church’s general level women have input too. (Especially about their organizations, curriculums and budgets.) My mother and grandmother both served on general boards.
ReplyDelete5. I do not believe that a woman's worth is decreased by sexual sin
Sexual sin? I hope you’re not talking about “original sin” because that was not sexual sin. As far as any sin goes, sexual or other wise, no one’s worth is decreased! God loves us unconditionally and only wants us to forsake a sin for our own happiness and eternal progression. Our worth is infinite and does NOT change (Female or Male). And furthermore, who God forgives men must forgive. No one’s worth should ever be diminished by sin!
6. I do not believe gender determines one's capacity for spiritual gifts. I totally agree and do not understand why anyone would think that.
7. I do not believe being a stay at home mom is the best choice for every woman or every family. I totally agree and have heard church authorities (Female and Male) agree with this too.
8. I do not believe that a woman should gain an education solely to teach her children. Again totally agree and I know the prophet would totally agree. I have no idea why you would say that, unless you believe a little “hear say” here and there. Don’t let it get to you. There are always people who say stupid things that are not true. Most Mormons (Female and Male) that I know do not believe that statement.
9. I do not believe Heavenly Mother is too sacred to talk about.
ReplyDeleteWell, Heavenly Father does. Really, think what the world would do with that knowledge. It is bad enough what the world does with other sacred things!! Furthermore, protecting Deity may not be the reason Heavenly Father has for this. We need to trust the Lord that His answers will make sense.
10. I do not believe new revelations regarding the nature of the eternal destiny of women are unnecessary. True! Again not sure where this is coming from. We claim to have modern day revelation. Who knows what the Lord will tell us.
11. I do not believe that my relationship with God or access to God's power must be mediated by my husband. Absolutely true. Women come unto God and Men come unto God separately. That is one of the reasons we are separated in the Temple until we have come unto the Lord. How could a just God have a woman’s relationship with Him depend on her imperfect husband? Where are the sources that say this??
12. I do not believe that the heavens are closed regarding the role of women in our church. True again. Where are you hearing this stuff? No wonder you’re unhappy.
13. I do not believe that a person's modesty, self respect, or self worth are determined by what they wear Of course not!!! MANY things determine self-respect and self worth. What you wear and how you present yourself (Female and Male) only contribute to that. Don’t get me wrong modesty is important, but wow you have taken it to extremes.
14. I do not believe that polygamy will be required of anyone who lives in the Celestial Kingdom. Totally agree. There are NO unhappy people in the Celestial Kingdom. That is a quote from a credible source. I think polygamy would certainly make me unhappy. My husband says it would make him unhappy. Agency is one of our greatest gifts. I don’t believe a loving Father in Heaven would force that on us. I would like to know who is saying that polygamy is required anyway? I have never heard or seen a church position on this! Who knows maybe there will be some polygamy and lots of monogamy in Heaven. It is hard to believe, but there are some people who like polygamy, not me!
15. I do not believe that my exaltation is dependent on how well I hearken to the counsel of my husband. Of course not!! You’ve got to sit back and breathe and not make generalizations that aren’t true!!
16. I do not believe that endorsing and conforming to archaic, rigid gender roles makes everyone happy. Conforming to archaic, rigid gender roles sounds miserable! I do not believe that would make anyone happy either. AND I do not believe the church or God would want anyone to conform to that.
17. I don not believe that an exalted woman's role in the hereafter will be limited to producing spirit children unto her husband's glory. I don’t even know what to say to that?? Where again is this coming from? I believe in eternal increase, but I expect to get some glory from that myself and I plan on creating world’s with new animals and new flowers and new everything. Doesn’t that sound like fun?!
ReplyDelete18. I do not believe God created all men and all women to respectively have the same personality traits, mental processes, preferences, skills and inclinations. Good. I think we are all on the same page on this.
19. I do not believe God wants mn and women to feel unequal in His church/temple. Absolutely true!! I have never once seen evidence that God wants men and women to feel unequal. In fact there is evidence everywhere that women and men are equal in God’s eyes. Church and Temple worship would be miserable if you thought God wants women to be less important than men.
20. I do not believe that knowing more about our Mother in Heaven would be in the least bit disrespectful of Her. Maybe it wouldn’t be disrespectful to her. I do not know why Heavenly Father has not given us more information on this subject. Maybe it will make more sense when He explains it to us.
21. I do not believe that men "need" the opportunities to grow that holding the priesthood provides more than women do. Well, I am not sure about “need”. Who said that?? I Do NOT believe that men needing the priesthood is the reason women do not currently hold the priesthood.
22. I do not believe that questioning gender roles within the Church makes you apostate. Humbly questioning, of course not. It sounds like it is part of your make up to question gender roles. That can be a good thing. It is okay to question. Believe me I have a lot of questions about things I don’t understand. I have a chronic illness that makes me disabled. Is that fair? No. I ask the Lord questions daily… more on this later. We can have a frank discussion on Kate Kelly if you want to, because I believe she is an apostate. I think she started out with some good questions though. I am very saddened about her excommunication, but believe the church did the right thing. Sorry I don’t have the time to explain myself on that subject. Maybe I will make another “comment” on your blog about that.
23. I do not believe that biological motherhood alone is the female equivalent of the priesthood. I don’t think so either. Again where are you hearing this stuff? What are your sources? No wonder you are upset.
There are so many things about all of these topics that I do believe, but I found it really empowering to flat out reject these things, which is why I wanted to phrase it in this way. It lifted a million pounds off of me. It was the weight of trying to make sense of how these things could be reconcilable with a just and loving God. But they aren't. And the moment I embraced that was the moment that I felt the peace of my childhood knowledge of God's love for me return.
I'd love to hear some of your thoughts. What would you add to this list?
Just a few more thoughts, for what it is worth…
I am glad you know God loves you! Everyone, no matter what their trial is, has to know God loves them. They also have to trust God 100%. This is something I have worked on for many years. Trusting God 100% is so liberating! I think you need to have more confidence it what you believe. You have a lot of things bothering you that simply are not true. Consider the sources!! Don’t listen to people that make generalizations about important concepts. Don’t listen to people who don’t know what they are talking about. And you should not capitalize on one thought when looking at the whole picture is the truth. Be careful not to assume things! And hey, we actually agree on most of your thoughts.
My dear girl, or boy, since you want to remain anonymous. All of the things I States I don't believe are either cultural beliefs or straight up taught by the church. I'm glad you've been able to work around them to your satisfaction, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Your "explanations" are hardly the first I've heard, nor do they wipe all of these teachings away from my experience. And if you'd like more info on where these things come from, feel free to read previous posts especially the mormon priestess essay that I linked to on my blog. She does a good job of explaining how I understood the temple endowment the first time. I went through.
DeleteAlso, you may not like to believe that the priesthood is about power but it very much is. It is ultimately about thrones, kingdoms and principalities. And the doctrine states that your husband will hold that power and you will be his priestess. Basically he becomes your god. I don't believe that you haven't seen or heard any of these things either in cultural beliefs or church teachings. I thought for a long time that I knew all the answers to these things too until I finally had to be honest that the only reasonable explanation is sexism.
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ReplyDeleteJust realized what a self-righteous jerk I was. Didn't mean to be, sorry!
ReplyDeleteI think the comments from "Anonymous" were excellent, Abigayle seems to be very upset by a lot of things that are just not true.
ReplyDeleteAnd to say the priesthood is about power is a fundamental misunderstanding and incorrect. The priesthood is about authority not power, which is why all ordinances are done with the authority, not the power of the priesthood.
The priesthood is about both power and authority, which is we why we often speak publicly about both priesthood power and authority. We like to pretend like power doesn't go along with leadership positions in the church, but that's just not true. Leaders have power, influence on policies, visibility and voice that non - leaders just don't have.
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