A Proper Wife

Ever since I was endowed I've tried to make sense of the sexism there and in the church. It sometimes appears benevolent, it sometimes appears only to be cultural, but once I was endowed, it became very obvious that there was a doctrinal source, somewhere. I feel like I've finally found it and I'm excited because it's actually the same source as the now-discarded racist "doctrine" that we used to spiritually disenfranchise our brothers and sisters of African decent. That was the now disavowed curse of Cain, and it is my opinion that the true source of all the sexism is the pseudo-doctrinal curse of Eve.  The endowment sets up a clear pattern of women being saved from the fall through hearkening to their husband's counsel. She will then become a priestess, but only unto him, while he becomes a priest unto God. In a sense it exalts the husband to become the God that the wife will serve in the eternities. You can read more about this interpretation HERE .

A RECENT STUDY  declared that Utah is the worst state in the U.S. for women based on the criteria of health, leadership roles, income and political representation. Radio West did a show discussing this finding with a panel of Utah women. CHECK IT OUT HERE. 

I've had several people point out to me with concern that my survey was not conducted with adequate academic rigor. I had no intention of ever trying to get this survey published in a peer-reviewed journal of sociology. It was for my own interest and the interest of my readers. The survey has its imperfections and biases, but I found the results fascinating, for whatever they're worth. I primarily got my survey participants from online forums, among them the Facebook Groups 1 Million Mormons Online, the Mormon Channel, and the Official Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Facebook page. I also posted my survey link on Feminist Mormon Housewives' Facebook page, A Thoughtful Faith Support Group, a Facebook group called Temple Talk, the Cougar Board and another BYU sports chat website. I tried to have a somewhat varied sample of so-called TBMs (True Blue Mormons) and those who are more heterodox in their faith. However, I think more of the latter group responded, as y

CLICK HERE  to participate in my survey about perceptions of gender dynamics among Latter-day Saints.

The term mansplain is not new, but if it is new to you here's the idea: A woman expresses her perspective. A man disagrees, but rather than simply state that he disagrees, he explains to her what he supposes she must not understand. The assumption being, if you understood this subject adequately you would have the right (my) opinion. The assumption also being that a woman could not possibly know as much about any topic as he does.  There are many different examples of mansplaining, different kinds of mansplainers . Not all men are mansplainers, but all mansplainers are men. Mansplaining is essentially taking advantage of the the many privileges in discourse that come along with being a man in our culture. It is presenting your (male) opinion as more authoritative or definitive than a woman's regardless of how much expertise she has on a topic.     Mansplaining is especially common and frustrating when it is a man telling a woman that her feelings are invalid becaus

I was recently asked by a friend who reads my blog why I stay. The answer is long, nuanced and personal, but basically boils down to two things: 1-This church is where I found my Savior. And 2-I believe we can and will do better. Reading Neylan McBaine 's book Women At Church has been especially encouraging of my hope in the latter. A few months back, I had a long, painful, awkward struggle with my bishop over my son's baby blessing. I wanted to hold him. When that wasn't allowed then I wanted his permission to do it in our home, but he didn't trust me, having shown my feminist card, so he insisted that he be present to "preside" in my home. Those were his words. I ultimately chose to wash my hands of the whole thing and allow my husband to do whatever he wanted because it was made very clear to me that the church didn't care about my thoughts or desires on the matter whatsoever. I felt relegated to an unrelated bystander in the process. It was extremel

"Don't talk too much!" - Elder Ballard to an audience full of women in the European Sister's Meeting. And just so no one accuses me of taking it out of context, here is the whole quote: "The blessing I would ask our Heavenly Father to grant unto you individually and collectively would be that you will never ever take lightly what you know to be true, that you will be pioneer, as the first pioneers, women of great strength, power and courage. That you will let your voices be heard, we cannot, we cannot meet our destiny as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in preparing this world for the 2nd coming of the Savior of the world without the support and the faith and the strength of the women of this church. We need you. We need your voices. They need to be heard. They need to be heard in your community, in your neighborhoods, they need to be heard within the ward council or the branch council. Now don't talk too much in those council meetings, jus

The other day I went for a long walk with my dog and my baby in his running stroller. As we went along our usual Provo route, we went by a park where there was a young man doing sprints. He was wearing nothing but a pair of running shorts and some shoes. At first, I thought nothing of it, as I'm sure most people wouldn't. But then it suddenly occurred to me that if I were doing exactly what he was doing, wearing exactly what he was wearing, I would get arrested for indecent exposure. And I thought: this is a perfect example of patriarchy. Noticing patriarchy around you is all about noticing the ubiquitous assumption of a male perspective. Why can men walk around topless and not women? Because women's breasts are obscene. Why are they obscene? Because they're sexual. To whom are they sexual? Heterosexual males. So because heterosexual males find my body obscene, I can be arrested for wearing the exact same outfit as that man and doing the exact same thing he was do

THIS TALK   was given by David Clare at the last BYU Women' Conference. Interesting topic for an address given to women, right? Well, he sort of expands upon Elder Oaks' recent GC statement that actually, women DO have priesthood power and authority. I think it is so interesting how leaders are now talking about the ways that women do have access to the priesthood. Elder Ballard's recent quote, "When men and women go to the temple, they are both endowed with the same power, which is by definition priesthood power," and Elder Oaks talk are some remarkable examples. What I don't understand is how the argument that men are supposed to preside over women by divine mandate then holds up. I thought the argument used to go like this, "Men preside in their homes and in the church because they are priesthood holders." But now we're saying that women have the priesthood too... sorta. So it must be something else... keys! Men hold priesthood keys. That&

My husband is a BYU student still. Sometimes I feel like I will never leave Provo... sigh. But that's another post. He's in a New Testament class right now. So of course the first thing a feminist thinks about when I hear New Testament class is the inevitable lesson on Paul's gender opinions and then the feeling of dread sets in. Some of Paul's gems include, " 34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. 35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church." and this: " 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is thehead of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in ever

I recently had a really interesting experience in a worthiness interview with a priesthood leader. We began to discuss some of my gender issues with the church and he began to share some totally non-doctrinal opinions as an attempt to explain the sexism in the church. One of the morsels he offered up was that God is a polygamist. I stated unequivocally that I did not believe that and it was amazing to me how empowering and comforting it was to do that.  My feminist issues probably began at birth but I got around them in one way or another until I was endowed and then I just hit a road block that has seemed insurmountable at times. But within just the past few months, I have gotten to a point that is a huge landmark for me: I no longer doubt God.  The temple broke my heart because it literally made me feel that God loved me less than His sons or placed me in a lower importance or worth than them. It made me doubt my own worth in a way that nothing else ever has. But I've

I'm sharing this because I LOVE SO MUCH Neylan McBaine and I LOVE SO MUCH what she says in this interview. She speaks for me and so many other LDS women. She is SO necessary in this conversation. HERE

I wanted to share this article here. It is where I got the quotes in the previous post. It provides historical context for a lot of the more disturbing teachings about gender in our church, especially the more extreme ones that were prevalent in the past. It answered a lot of my questions regarding why Brigham Young sounds so often like such a sexist... well, anyway. Check it out HERE

Man, this gets exhausting sometimes. Just when I start to feel like I'm making some strides getting to the heart of these issues, getting out exactly what I feel I need to express, I get a comment or read someone's blog post that makes me feel like I'm just swimming against the current. The biggest problem with having this feminist conversation in the LDS internet world is that we are not communicating. We are not all even speaking the same language. The word feminist alone gets so mangled and misused that it's a constant battle just to define what you mean by that, let alone words like equality, visibility, power. So I'd like to talk about the word 'preside." A very Mormon word and one, the semantics of which, I hope non-feminists and feminists alike can agree. For me, all of the feminist issues in the church boil down to this word. There has been a lot of amazing progress in the sexist rhetoric that once passed as doctrine in the church. Brigham You

I hate generalizations. I feel that they're the result of intellectual laziness. When you're too lazy to make the effort to be accurate to reality, when that reality is nuanced and complex, oversimplification and stereotypes help you feel like you "understand." I hate that generalizations make people feel left out, or somehow wrong. I feel like they're about 60% accurate. All of that being said, I have a few generalizations I'd like to make about feminists, using the feminist I know best as a template - that feminist being myself. Feminists are highly logical. - Many feminists that I know tend to be "left brained." We have a lot of respect for reasoning. This also might be why we're so very angered by some unflattering stereotypes regarding "women and their hysterics." Feminists like to be in charge. - And we're good at it too. We are used to being respected in our social groups, looked up to and trusted. We can coordinate l

Alan Rock Waterman : Publicly questioning for 5 years John Dehlin : Publicly questioning for 9 years Kate Kelly : Publicly questioning for only ONE year and Excommunicated No, there's no sexism in the Mormon church...why do you ask?

It's taken me a few days to arrange my thoughts on this ever so controversial topic. My initial reaction to her excommunication was sadness, but not surprise. I'm sad because I loved what she represented. She was a faithful, RM, temple going woman who was using tenants of the gospel that she loved to seek greater light and knowledge regarding her place in the kingdom. I can't say that I supported all of her methods, but I am so grateful for the extremely needed conversations that she started. I am grateful for her courage to stand up and ask. I was saddened by the response of her leaders. I wasn't surprised, though. I wonder if she could really have been surprised. Being a lifelong member, she must have foreseen how some people would choose to misinterpret her actions. And that is my only criticism of courageous Kate. That she let herself get thrown out of the church. Because in my mind, her greatest asset was her position as a faithful member of the church. That

People talk about how the church will not bend to worldly pressures to make the church less gender biased. You need to understand how ridiculous that sounds to a feminist. "The world" is not feminist! Not by a long shot! Young girls are being shot for attending school, rape is used as a weapon of war but it's still used as a punchline, body shaming and objectification are rampant in Western media, more than 125 million women are alive today who have had their genitals cut and mutilated because of men who believe that women experiencing any kind of sexual pleasure is wrong. In India there are now some 35 million fewer women than men due to female infanticide and China is in the middle of  a ‘ gender crisis ’, because their culture places greater value on a male child than a female. In the USA, a woman with exactly the same level of education as her male counterpart can expect to earn around 18 percent less than him , even when factors like type of degree and actual

So in college, in one of my classes, they taught us about this principle of reasoning called Occam's Razor. Here's what wikipedia says about it: "Occam's razor is a principle ...  used in problem-solving devised by William of Ockham (c. 1287–1347). It states that among competing hypotheses, the one with the fewest assumptions should be selected. Other, more complicated solutions may ultimately prove correct, but—in the absence of certainty—the fewer assumptions that are made, the better. The razor states that one should proceed to simpler theories until simplicity can be traded for greater explanatory power. " In other words, the simplest explanation is usually the right one.  I'm a nurse. In my job, we follow a similar principle. If your patient has a fever, it's more likely to be a cold or flu than Ebola or the Black Plague. If you hear hooves, expect a horse, not a zebra. That's the basic idea.  So how does this apply to feminism and the LD

My heart is hurting today. What the the Kate Kelly disciplinary hearing and the recent media attention , I've been thinking a lot about whether people like me really fit in the church. I've read/heard the criticism from some members of the church that they feel like the members of OW and their supporters are inevitably in for heartache if the answer to their question is no, women can't receive the priesthood. What people who say that don't understand is that all feminists feel that heartache anyway (regardless of their feelings about the ordination of women), every time they go to church and everything's just the same. I recently read  THIS ESSAY , in response to the Mormon Priestess essay and it gave me a lot of hope and encouragement. It was a feeling that has become familiar to me over years of seeking, struggling, questioning, discussing these types of issues. Every once in a while, you find a golden nugget of someone who just GETS it. Their testimony buoys

D&C 93:24 " 24 And truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come;" I've been thinking a lot lately about equality and what that means. Elder Oaks made his famous statement in the Priesthood session saying, "In the eyes of God, whether in the Church or in the family, women and men are equal, with different responsibilities." I take issue with the word equal in this statement. Equal can mean a lot of different things, but I don't think anyone would say that I am the equal of President Obama or President Monson. I may be equal in value or worth as a human being in the eyes of God, but equal in standing, in power and responsibility, no. We are not equals. It makes me think about the value that other creations of God have in His eyes. I believe God values and loves all of His creations, but we, as His children, have a special place because of what we are able to do and become. That is what raises us above the leve

I have felt very ambivalent about posting this essay here but I have finally decided that I should, if only to bring slightly more awareness to this issue. The temple is the source of what MoFems call "my feminist awakening", because it was the first time in my experience in the church that I felt unavoidably confronted with doctrinal inequalities between men and women. It broke my heart. It shook my relationship with God to the core. It deeply damaged my sense of self-worth. It still does. I can honestly say that I have sought long and hard for spiritual and logical explanations outside of the most obvious ones, and I have found some, but the endowment is still deeply painful for me, almost every time that I go. I understand that many men and women in the church would find my feelings and perspective difficult to understand. That is why I am posting This Essay . Because her essay describes and lays out exactly how I understood the endowment the first time I was endowed. Th

Hmm, this sounds familiar. Just a friendly reminder that doctrine can and does change.  " 9 We believe all that God has revealed , all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God."

So, while listening to/watching this talk, I was getting pretty excited. When he said that women are not ordained to offices of the priesthood, I turned to my husband and shouted "offices!" He had no idea what I was talking about and I'm sure felt set upon, but here is how I understood it: The church does not currently have the keys to all types of priesthood power/authority. They have not all been restored yet. Under the keys which we currently hold, women are endowed in the temple with priesthood power.(Elder Ballard)  They are given priesthood authority, under the direction of the priesthood holders, to carry out certain tasks and duties in the church. They are not ordained to offices in the priesthoods which we currently have . All of this was very validating to me to have so publicly affirmed. The highest offices of the priesthood that are available are king and queen , priest and priestess . We are anointed to these offices in the temple, but not ordained to the

I didn't agree with everything in this post, but I think it's really important to understand and acknowledge that for a lot of women in the church, the temple is the SOURCE of their gender issues/pain rather than the solution. READ IT HERE.

I submitted a profile to "I'm a Mormon Feminist". Check it out!

"If you are one that says that the egalitarians or liberals who do not like the status quo should just leave, please stop it. This is not a game. This is about the very future of our faith community and faith tradition. They are leaving. If you are glad to see them leave, you do not see them as Christ sees them." Read the rest HERE

http://m.sltrib.com/sltrib/mobile3/57708999-219/women-mormon-priesthood-church.html.csp This is an interview of Kate Kelly who is the founder of OW, Neylan McBaine of the Mormon Women Project and blogger Julie Smith discussing OW and Mormon Feminsm. 

I really like this post talking about Sister Cheiko Okazaki, the former 1st counselor in the RS presidency. It was amazingly validating to hear a member of the General RS share the frustrations of so many faithful LDS women regarding how valued and visible their role is in the church. The most insightful and surprising quote for me was,  “I have to say that, in my sixty-four years in the Church, I sometimes see a little bit of a change that the women themselves prompt, but most of the time, I haven’t seen women who would make that change possible. Wherever I go, I think that they already know their place.” … “When women get the message that their job is to be supportive and just agree with the decisions of the bishop, they become clams.” So moral of the story is that we need to speak up! As Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." If you want strong, vocal, intelligent female leaders in the church, then be one! And offer suggestions to your leadershi

I recently heard this podcast   that I found quite amazing. You can also read the PDF here   if you prefer. It is a history of the practice of women giving blessings of healing and washings and anointings of the sick. Women were allowed to do this until the 1940s and it was not only done to members of the woman's family as I had previously believed.  I am so saddened that fear and apparently jealousy put an end to this beautiful practice. I pray that I will live to see these privileges reinstated to the worthy women of this church.

This is a cool mini documentary about the Utah "Women's Movement" and the ERA. I didn't know some of this history and thought it was pretty interesting.  http://video.kued.org/video/2339261708/

Update: Just to clarify, while I enjoyed this post and the points he makes, I don't agree with everything he says, and I don't necessarily advocate for ordaining women to the priesthood the same way that men are in this life, although I'd accept that revelation if it came. What I liked about his post is that it lays out a scriptural record indicating that there is a precedent for women to have greater scope to their spiritual leadership opportunities, in whatever form they might be. http://difficultrun.nathanielgivens.com/2013/11/15/a-kingdom-of-priests-a-support-for-female-ordination/?relatedposts_exclude=4115 Loved this post, especially what he says about people telling feminists to leave the church. " I have nowhere else to go but this Church. This is where I have found peace, this is where I have found Christ, and this is where I have found a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother who speak to me and listen to me and understand me, despite my imperfectio

http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/blogsfaithblog/57702450-180/leaders-women-church-center.html.csp Check this out! My favorite part: "Conversations about giving more visibility to women have been going on for some years," LDS spokeswomen Jessica Moody said in a statement. "The decision to have the sister leaders of the church be more visible in the Conference Center is just one outcome of those conversations." Woohoo!

I actually couldn't sleep because this topic was so much on my mind, so I thought I'd just put it out here. Not that anyone actually reads this, but at least I can sleep better tonight. I've been reading a lot of blog posts by LDS women proudly stating how they don't want the priesthood and they feel so fulfilled and respected etc., etc. Ok. Awesome. Quick Sunday School question for all of you: What is the priesthood? Answer: The power of God. The authority to act in His name, but also, the power by which He works. Question #2: What is the point of this life? Answer: To become like God... I'm gonna go ahead and assume that that includes at some point down the road receiving His power. So... shouldn't all members of the church who nominally want to become like God at some point desire to receive His power? I'm totally fine with you saying you are supportive of the church leadership saying that for some unknown reason women aren't supposed to exe

I recently read THIS   recent post on youngmormonfeminists.org about feminists from early church history. I thought it was so cool to read their stories, but also sort of sad as a lot of the privileges that they enjoyed ended shortly after their life. I think these women would look on many current church practices and policies (such as women no longer being able to give blessings of healing and the reorganization of the Relief Society into an auxiliary organization beneath the Priesthood leadership) as a step backward. It seems that back in the late 1800s and early 1900s the church was more egalitarian in some aspects than it is today. But it is also encouraging to learn about their examples of strength, faith and accomplishment and be able to say that as modern LDS feminists we are only following in the footsteps of our forebears.

KUER recently did an interview   of Jodi Kantor and Laurie Goodstein who recently did a New York Times article on the evolving role of LDS women. It was very even handed and well done. Pretty cool. Check it out.

Tad Callister's devotional address given at BYU-Idaho entitled "The Lord's Standard of Morality" was recently published in this month's issue of the Ensign. I honestly enjoyed the article and agreed with almost everything he said, until I got to the section on Immodest Dress: "The dress of a woman has a powerful impact upon the minds and passions of men. If it is too low or too high or too tight, it may prompt improper thoughts, even in the mind of a young man who is striving to be pure. Men and women can look sharp and be fashionable, yet they can also be modest. Women particularly can dress modestly and in the process contribute to their own self-respect and to the moral purity of men. In the end, most women get the type of man they dress for ." And then I wanted to scream.  This is so wrong on so many levels, beginning with the fact that it perpetuates rape culture. If you are unfamiliar with this term, it can mean a lot of different things,

I was recently very excited to learn that LDS.org posted a link to the BYU study "A Mother There." Under Topics, there is a section entitled " Becoming Like God " and they speak briefly about the doctrine of MIH, but they link to the BYU study that I shared on here earlier. This study is the most comprehensive list to date of all the quotes made by general authorities about MIH. This study clarifies what little doctrine we do have on MIH and refutes the longstanding social stigma that we are not supposed to discuss Her in public. How exciting that such an LDS culturally groundbreaking study would be referenced on LDS.org!

A friend of mine sent me a link to this "feminist" blogger who single-handedly demonstrated exactly what feminism is NOT about, but what too many uninformed or misguided people think it is about. Read her horrific post HERE I mean, can you even imagine what the world would look like if we all espoused her views? A picture of Mordor comes to mind, actually, but in reality there would be no world at all if no one valued life, love and nurturing. How sad and messed up. My response is below. " Wooooooooooooowwwwww... I find this so extreme that it's hard for me to even take it seriously. It's almost like a parody of what a feminist would say. Let me ask you a question, if taking care of children and a home is so utterly unimportant, did you feel that way when you were the child being taken care of? Was that totally unimportant to have a loving, supportive caregiver to help you find your way in the world? Or maybe you didn't have that, in which case, I can som

Recently I've been reading a lot about modesty on the online Mormon Feminist blogosphere and I can honestly say that at first, I was a little baffled by the anger. I had never thought of modesty as a feminist issue. But as I read more, I started learning about "rape culture" and the (totally non-doctrinal) idea that is all too pervasive in our culture that women and the way they dress should be held accountable for the thoughts and even the actions of men. The idea that immodestly dressed women are "asking for it" or "leading their brothers astray." And that bugged, obviously. But it wasn't until I watched this Ted talk that the pieces really started to fall together for me. This made me realize that what we call modesty in the culture of the church can  actually sometimes be the objectification of women because it's saying that a woman's body is inherently sexual and should only be seen in the context of how a heterosexual man vie