Changes Worth Waiting For
I hate generalizations. I feel that they're the result of intellectual laziness. When you're too lazy to make the effort to be accurate to reality, when that reality is nuanced and complex, oversimplification and stereotypes help you feel like you "understand."
I hate that generalizations make people feel left out, or somehow wrong. I feel like they're about 60% accurate.
All of that being said, I have a few generalizations I'd like to make about feminists, using the feminist I know best as a template - that feminist being myself.
Feminists are highly logical. - Many feminists that I know tend to be "left brained." We have a lot of respect for reasoning. This also might be why we're so very angered by some unflattering stereotypes regarding "women and their hysterics."
Feminists like to be in charge. - And we're good at it too. We are used to being respected in our social groups, looked up to and trusted. We can coordinate lots of tasks and GET THINGS DONE.
Feminists don't like to not be in charge - False negative, by which I basically mean, we struggle to trust others as we ought to. We may or may not have had experiences that make it difficult to trust others, but either way, we usually believe that anything you can do, I can do just as well, if not better, myself. Well, let's be honest... better. So how about I just do it instead?
Basically, we're bossy, control freak, know-it-alls or intelligent, highly capable leaders, depending on which side you're on.
This is relevant because I've come to some difficult conclusions. Do I believe that there are sexist philosophies of men mixed up in the doctrines and practices of the church? Yes. Do I believe that this church ultimately has Christ at the helm? Yes. Do I believe that He is working with fallible, imperfect leaders and members both with their own biases and prejudices? Yes and yes. I also believe there will be changes made.
But I believe those changes will be worth waiting for. I believe those changes will be worth humbling myself for. I believe those changes will be worth stretching myself to trust and allowing other people to be in charge and saying maybe I don't understand this all perfectly yet and dealing with inane, sexist, fallible, archaic children of God who drive me crazy. Those things are hard to do for me, maybe for you too. These things seem especially difficult for feminists, in particular, to do. But I think it may be worth it to swallow my pride, question my perfectly constructed arguments and ask myself if I might not be missing something. If we might not ALL be missing something. It's probably not the thing you think it is. It's probably not what I think it is either. It's probably something else entirely.
But based on the beauty that I've known of God and the delicious purity and awesome perfection of His light that I've experienced at times in this church, I believe those changes will be worth waiting for, and I want to be around here to see them, no matter what that requires of me. As much as Zion needs us, I believe we, feminists, need Zion more. This cause of Christ seems to try us and stretch us in ways that it doesn't for other people. Maybe it even asks more of us. But every once in a while I remember that it's totally worth it.
I hate that generalizations make people feel left out, or somehow wrong. I feel like they're about 60% accurate.
All of that being said, I have a few generalizations I'd like to make about feminists, using the feminist I know best as a template - that feminist being myself.
Feminists are highly logical. - Many feminists that I know tend to be "left brained." We have a lot of respect for reasoning. This also might be why we're so very angered by some unflattering stereotypes regarding "women and their hysterics."
Feminists like to be in charge. - And we're good at it too. We are used to being respected in our social groups, looked up to and trusted. We can coordinate lots of tasks and GET THINGS DONE.
Feminists don't like to not be in charge - False negative, by which I basically mean, we struggle to trust others as we ought to. We may or may not have had experiences that make it difficult to trust others, but either way, we usually believe that anything you can do, I can do just as well, if not better, myself. Well, let's be honest... better. So how about I just do it instead?
Basically, we're bossy, control freak, know-it-alls or intelligent, highly capable leaders, depending on which side you're on.
This is relevant because I've come to some difficult conclusions. Do I believe that there are sexist philosophies of men mixed up in the doctrines and practices of the church? Yes. Do I believe that this church ultimately has Christ at the helm? Yes. Do I believe that He is working with fallible, imperfect leaders and members both with their own biases and prejudices? Yes and yes. I also believe there will be changes made.
But I believe those changes will be worth waiting for. I believe those changes will be worth humbling myself for. I believe those changes will be worth stretching myself to trust and allowing other people to be in charge and saying maybe I don't understand this all perfectly yet and dealing with inane, sexist, fallible, archaic children of God who drive me crazy. Those things are hard to do for me, maybe for you too. These things seem especially difficult for feminists, in particular, to do. But I think it may be worth it to swallow my pride, question my perfectly constructed arguments and ask myself if I might not be missing something. If we might not ALL be missing something. It's probably not the thing you think it is. It's probably not what I think it is either. It's probably something else entirely.
But based on the beauty that I've known of God and the delicious purity and awesome perfection of His light that I've experienced at times in this church, I believe those changes will be worth waiting for, and I want to be around here to see them, no matter what that requires of me. As much as Zion needs us, I believe we, feminists, need Zion more. This cause of Christ seems to try us and stretch us in ways that it doesn't for other people. Maybe it even asks more of us. But every once in a while I remember that it's totally worth it.
Beautifully said. Props.
ReplyDelete-Tenille
Yup. Just like the pre-1978 priesthood policy was based on earthly prejudice, so to is current church sexism. The change is worth waiting for. I enjoy reading the blog. :)
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I really needed to hear this. I've been thinking it's not worth waiting for, but perhaps it is.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post! The majority of my friends are feminists and then, on the other hand, I teach for BYU Idaho where the majority of my students subscribe to very different views. I can see the beauty in both ways of thinking and being. For me it confirms that in many ways life, both in and out of the Church, is a series of paradoxes that I haven't unraveled yet.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first post I have read from your blog. It is nicely written. One item that I don't understand about being a feminist ( I am not a feminist, yet like you, I am very capable, respected and intelligent) is that they say they want gender equality - translated in this case to be ordained to the priesthood in the LDS faith, yet I don't think, after reading this post that being ordained to the priesthood is what would really make feminists happy. Your "general description" of what feminist are...they are women who want to be in charge, women who can get things done and done better than others; does not fit the description of what I believe a worthy priesthood holder is. If you think about it, the majority of priesthood holders will never hold significant leadership positions in the church. They will never be "in charge". They will quietly serve their families and the church, making sure that the blessings of the priesthood will be available to all. They will humbly (and most likely imperfectly ) go forward with love to serve. I don't think the Lord is concerned about having things done quickly and perfectly.
ReplyDeleteJust something to think about from a friend on the Eastern side of the country
It sounds like you have a lot to offer. I am sure your talents will bless many! Don't wait to share those talents for a later date.
I think you've misunderstood what I was saying. I wasn't saying that being in charge and getting things done well is what defines a feminist. It isn't. Those are just characteristics that a lot of feminists happen to have in common. Not all feminists are even women. The only thing that defines a feminist is holding the belief that men and women are equal and should have equal rights and opportunities. I was talking about those characteristics because it is those characteristics which make it difficult sometimes to be a woman in this church. It's frustrating for women like myself. Furthermore, not all Mormon feminists define gender equality as being ordained the the priesthood offices which we currently hold. It's much more complex than that. There a lot more Mormon feminists out there that do not necessarily agitate for ordination but still want to see positive changes made in the church to further gender equality.
DeleteI find your definition of feminism misleading at best. Feminism does not seek equality, it seeks the promotion of women to a self-defined standard of equality. Advocating selective equality is not the same as advocating equality.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDoes feminism advocate for male gender inequalities or does it selectively advocate for female inequalities?
ReplyDeleteWhy, yes. It does advocate for gender equality for both men and women. Sexism hurts everyone.
ReplyDeleteI wish that were true, look up the definition, it will say the advocacy of women's rights towards equality. Not the same as being a true champion of equality for all.
ReplyDeleteWell I frankly dont care what your source defines it as. Feminists I know ( and I wager I know quite a few more than you do) work towards gender equality for all. The term Feminist focuses on the feminine because women are so extremely far behind men in every measurable power, privilege and opportunity available to them. But feminists are aware that sexism hurts both men and women which is why we seek egalitarianism.
DeleteFurthermore, considering the extremely privileged station that men enjoy, there's not much to advocate for for them.
DeleteFathers and boys are being belittled and attacked as never before. Your response seems to indicate you are not a very powerful advocate for equality, which I have found to be a common trait with feminism.
ReplyDeleteUm how are fathers and boys being belittled and attacked?
ReplyDelete